Archive for May 2012

Extracts of Love and Relationships

Several persons begin relationships out of desire, which is the opposite of aspiration. Once the relationship progresses and one tires of the other, they often drift worlds apart. These types of relationships are often harmful; since selfish motivation sparks, the relationship and thus the result only bring down the outlook of love and relationship. When a person has desire in mind while starting a relationship, it is almost guaranteed there will be other relationships outside of the relationship, and the other person will hurt since they are in love alone.

A trail of broken hearts follows behind these types of relationships. Thus, knowing who you are is the start that determines if you will find true love and relationship. If you are in contact with your emotions, personality, beliefs, standards, and so forth, thus you can touch the fine lines of love and relationship while remaining in love and in the relationship. Thus, lust, love and relationship have a separation that needs defined to make love last.

Desires are a mindful response to emotions triggered by appealing appetizers, and backed with impulses. Lust throughout the years has proven harmful, especially if the action acted out on lust has gain in mind, which focuses on sexual pleasures.

Nowadays, few people remain steadfast in love and relationships, while considering love in the context delivered from originality. Religion, politics, unfaithfulness, lust, and other influences often join man and woman together, yet still relationships fail.

Love behind the years has confirmed that respect, consideration and other elements of love are non-existing, and thus relationships often fail. When two people join in relationships and love they must adhere to the advice provided to them by the Law of God and not man. When couples step on boundaries and disregard true advice they often find them self-heading down the path to divorce and/or separation, thus, finding true love takes skill, patients, long-suffering, and other human mechanisms to make love last.

A good relationship is based on trust, love, and faith, self-control and sharing. When one partner is giving more than the other partner this is not love. When one partner trusts that his or her partner is faithful and the partner is out spreading it around like the plague then someone is going to get hurt.

Thus, in the present day of love and relationships, hurt often consumes relationships, thus divorce and/or separation result. Some relationships can withstand the weathers with one partner working, but all relationships take two to make it last. Thus, some men have a history of proving unfaithful, dishonest, deceitful, et cetera. At one time women were never heard of committing such acts as adultery, murder, or abusing the mate. Thus, nowadays women fed up with the ways many men have demonstrated throughout history, including engaging in adulterous affairs, and inappropriate materials, thus nowadays women are making a statement by acting out the same.

Women at one time worked at home raising the children and taking care of the household. Often the man would work, bringing home the bread and rarely did you hear reports of divorce or separation. Still they existed, but at present divorces and separation is an ongoing issue in society.

Nowadays, it is next to impossible to find pure love. Good men often find women that treat them ill, while bad men are mistreating women badly that their views of men diminish over time. Good women often find men that cheat, lie, or take them for granted, thus finding a good relationship nowadays is next to impossible.

Likewise, women at present are taking a stand, thus showing that low tolerance is in the making. The one surefire element that composes true love is long-suffering, thus men and women alike nowadays lack the ability to illustrate this ingredient that makes up love.

Different relationships in the world boil down to good or bad relationships. When two people join in intimate relations, both parties must work hard to make the relationship work. A bad relationship will utilize tools believing that the mechanisms will keep the spice in his or her life when they feel tired out of the mate. In other words, a bad relationship focuses on sexual gratification, which never occurs, since he or she tires out quickly. The person may engage in pornographic reading or viewing, promiscuous relationships, violence, and so forth to gratify the desire.

By Sutikno Slamet

Tips on Love, Dating, and Relationships

If there was one thing that I have noticed when browsing through various relationship help forums, it is that there are too many people who post relationship problems, issues and dating concerns about their partner for the entire world to see. Yet they do not actually talk with their partner about these issues. This is not a good way to handle a relationship.

Love, dating relationships, or even casual dating for that matter will only survive if you can communicate everything with your partner. Communication is often said to be the single most important part of a relationship. It helps both people involved in the relationship be happier and it helps the relationship progress. If you are unable to speak to your partner about what is bothering you, your relationship will not survive.

Communication is a great way to get to know someone, love someone, and grow old with someone. The first few months are just as important as 5 years down the road. Relationship expert Michael Webb, author of the Relationship EBook Collection agrees. If you want a relationship to last past the first few months you need to be natural, confident, and you need to communicate with your partner.

Do not stop going out on dates together after the first few months. Many people think that dating is only necessary for the first couple of months in the relationship. This is not true. If you want your relationship to stay fresh and exciting, you should continue going on dates whether your relationship is six months old or sixty years old. Otherwise, you run the risk of the relationship becoming boring to both of you, and you may start picking fights.

Remember that in a relationship, communication is the most important aspect if you want to make the relationship a healthy one.

By Martin Bowditch

How to Respect and Love Yourself in Relationships

Do you know someone who loudly proclaims that she respects and loves herself and then gets trampled mercilessly by every person who comes into her life?  Are you close to somebody whose relationships focus almost entirely on the other person's needs?  People often care for others while neglecting themselves.  They allow others to treat them negatively because they don't know how to take care of themselves in the first place.

We get results based on the actions we take in life.  Positive actions lead in one direction and negative actions lead in another.  It's up to you to decide which way you want to go.  I frequently recommend that people focus on understanding their own needs before they rely on others to make them happy.  You benefit from focusing on your own needs first so you can be in great shape to attract positive, vibrant people into your life and share great relationships.  The good news is that there are many straightforward things you can do today to begin the process of respecting and loving yourself.  The three main areas we'll look at are respect, loving ourselves and taking care of ourselves.

Where did you learn what respect means?  It was likely from your family or social circles but these aren't always reliable sources for productive behaviors.  It seems everyone has a different definition of respect based on their own experience, which leaves everyone guessing and doing different things that may or may not lead to respectful relationships.  Some people know how to ask for respect but don't know how to give it; others can't ask for it at all.  The key point is for you to define respect in a way that works for you and that you can clearly communicate to others.  For our purposes, a working definition of respect is creating the conditions that lead to both people feeling great about themselves and each other.  People who are respectful allow other people to be themselves, encourage them to grow, celebrate their triumphs, soothe their disappointments, listening to them and support them unconditionally.  Respect is reciprocal, functions as the basis of strong relationships and is practiced equally by all parties involved.

A productive starting point in the quest to find respect is figuring out what you want out of your relationships and how you would like to be treated.  Develop a definition of respect that works for you and that you can clearly communicate to others.  Think in terms of communicating who you are as a person and what is important to you.  As you've probably noticed, people aren't mind readers - we have to tell them what we want.  It's best to assume that people will only treat us how we ask them to.  You literally show people how to treat you through your actions.  If you act like a doormat you will attract people who will treat you like one.  If you are healthy and balanced you will attract the same.

The second phase of self-care is learning how to love yourself.  In general, people who love themselves are balanced, accepting, giving and possess self-knowledge.  They seem comfortable in their own skin.  A helpful tool you can use to figure out who you are is to honestly assess your situation and write it down.  Make a list of the things in your life that make you feel wonderful and the ones that bring you down.  Take some time to reflect on what you wrote down to help you begin examining who you are.  Pick one item from the negative side that you want to work on and commit to doing something about it today.  Congratulate yourself because you have now started the process of working on self-love.

As you've probably guessed, loving yourself is about self-reflection and doing things that lead to positive outcomes.  If you experience difficulty reflecting on yourself you may ask yourself some key questions to help you start the process.  What is my passion in life?  What are the things I do well?  What are the areas I can improve?  What do I want out of relationships?  What is my part in creating great relationships?  Self-love grows from understanding who we are and working through the things that block our ability to love ourselves.  For example: if you have difficulty committing in a relationship it may stem from something inside you that blocks you from accepting or giving love.  If you identify what is blocking you it suddenly gives you a lot of power to change what you are doing.

Treating yourself well is the final step we'll examine.  Many of us have had our hearts broken by a significant other, a parent, a friend, a relative or a coworker.  You get to choose whether you learn from these events or let them hold you back.  It's normal to feel hurt but how you deal with pain will determine whether you take care of yourself or not.  You can choose to stay stuck in pain and misery or elect to be kind to your heart.  The next time you find yourself feeling pain inside ask yourself some questions that will help you take care of it.  What is actually hurting me?  What can I do to improve how I feel and take care of myself?  What can I do to interrupt the pattern that keeps my heart hurting?  When you discover where your pain comes you can soothe yourself rather than letting the hurt continue indefinitely.

You possess an amazing power to respect and love yourself but it is a skill that requires practice and conscious thought.  As with anything in life, you only become expert at something if you strive to master it.  You will also experience great joy in your life and relationships as you discover what respect means to you, practice self-love and treat yourself with kindness.

By Guy Farmer

Relationship Compatibility Astrology for Love, Romance and Business

How compatible are you with your current partner, lover or friend? Did you know that astrology can reveal a whole new level of understanding between people simply by looking at their astrology chart and that of their partner? What are the potentials for the relationship? Everyone wants to believe that they get along well with others but we have all met people with whom we didn't get along well. Wouldn't it be nice to know ahead of time whether or not two people are compatible? Whether your partner / spouse is going to cheat in a relationship? It would save a lot of time and effort. In 12 months period every year you see cold weather, warm weather, rainy season, and sometimes witness earth quakes, hurricanes, and tornados. In the same manner in relationship you will see good times, bad times, good sex, love, romance, sickness, bad health, accidents, loss of job, loss of money etc. Couples who are compatible will stay together during good or bad times and will support each other. Couples who are not compatible will be together during good times and they separate when the challenging time comes in their lives. It is like this, when you have a nice bottle of champagne on your table everybody likes you. The moment the bottle gets empty, people leave and you are left alone. The compatibility between two people has to be at many different levels to be happy in a relationship. Astrological compatibility or Relationship Compatibility Astrology or Business Compatibility Astrology is the branch of astrology that studies relationships between two people by comparing their natal horoscopes for Astrology Compatibility or Relationship Compatibility or Business Compatibility. A natal horoscope is a chart, map, or imaginary snapshot of the planets in the Solar System and their positions in the zodiac at the exact time of a person's birth.

When two people are together for love, romance

1. There is friendship between them, and the friendship is represented by the 11th house in their astrology charts.

2. There is sex, passion between them which can lead to pregnancy. The sex, passion, and pregnancy is represented by the 5th house in their astrology charts.

3. if they decide to get married, then their marriage is represented by the 7th house in their astrology charts. The 7th house represents legal ties. All romantic or business partnerships, contracts etc. in life are represented by the 7th house in the astrology chart. The marriage can be a love marriage if there is a connection between the 5th house and the 7th house in their astrology charts if it is connected with Rahu or Ketu, then the love affair or marriage is with a person belonging to a different culture.

4. After marriage their family is represented by the 2nd house in their astrology chart.

The Ruling Planets in any astrology chart consists of the following:

1: Your ascendant sign lord in your astrology chart

2. Your ascendant nakshatra lord in your astrology chart

3. Your Moon sign lord in your astrology chart

4. Your Moon nakshatra lord in your astrology chart

5. The planet representing the day when you were born

So the 2nd, 5th, 7th, and 11th houses promote happiness, love and romance in the marriage / relationship. Especially if you find a spouse whose ruling planets at the time of their birth trigger the 5th house in your astrology chart, and vice versa, then there will be a strong chemistry, attraction, and love between them and they will be strongly drawn towards each other for love, romance and sex. They will meet each other for the first time when either one will be going through the mahadasha /bhukti/ anthara of the planets connected with 2nd, 5th, 7th, and 11th houses.

In one of my friend's astrology chart Rahu, Mercury, Venus, and Moon are the planets connected with 5th house and 7th house. My personal experience is that when my friend was going through Rahu mahadasha Mercury bhukti and Venus anthara, he dated someone whose ascendant degree in her vedic astrology chart was in Gemini sign ruled by mercury and Ardra Nakshatra ruled by Rahu, and the sub in rahu's nakshatra was ruled by Venus. My friend had relationship with another women in Rahu Mahadasha Moon bhukti venus anthara. She was Libra ascendant ruled by Venus and the ascendant degree was in swait nakshatra ruled by Rahu and sub in that nakshatras was ruled by moon. In my opinion everyone who comes in contact with you as a friend, as a lover, and as a business partner have some connection with your astrology chart that is why they enter your life in some way, and they bring a particular kind of energy into your life to either improve your love life, spiritual life, business, or financial situation or they bring sorrow grief and bad luck to you. If the ruling planets of your spouse / partner at the time of their birth are the significators of 2nd, 7th, 10th or 11th house in your astrology chart then the spouse / partner will bring financial prosperity in your life, and is very lucky for a business partnership.

The houses which negate happiness in marriage / relationship are 4th house, 6th house, 8th house, 12th house, and Badhaka house. 4th house in the astrology chart brings disappointment in love matters as it negates sex, love, romance, and pregnancy in life because it is 12th house to 5th house. 6th house brings lonely time, coldness in relationship, divorce, temporary or permanent separation in marriage / relationship as it negates 7th house matters such as marriage / permanent relationship. The 8th house in the astrology chart brings arguments, fights, difference of opinions in marriage / relationship, but it does not end the marriage / relationship. The 12th house is the house of general loss, such as loss of marriage, and loss of money etc. Then there is Badhaka house, which brings violence in marriage / relationship if there is connection between 7th house and the Badhaka house. For any kind of relationship whether it is a romantic one or business one you do not want to get involved with someone, whose ruling planets at the time of their birth are the significators of 4th house, 6th house, 8th house, 12th house and the Badhaka house in your astrology chart. Especially never form a partnership with someone, whose ruling planets at the time of their birth are the significators of the badhaka house in your astrology chart because it can bring violence in the relationship. Also never form a partnership with someone whose ruling planets at the time of their birth are the significators of the 12th house in your astrology chart because they will be your hidden enemy. Never form a partnership with someone, whose ruling planets at the time of their birth are the significators of the 8th house in your astrology chart because they will put you in dangerous situations.

The astrology compatibility or relationship compatibility astrology predictions or business compatibility astrology predictions that you read in magazines, and internet sites where the astrologers / psychics compare your zodiac signs to find astrology compatibility or relationship compatibility or business compatibility do not work in real life because billions of people around the world are born in a particular month and they could all relate to a particular zodiac sign but they all can not be compatible with you for love, romance or business. Even people born in a particular month or on a particular day having same zodiac sign could be completely different in their personality, nature and habits. Then how can they be compatible with you for love romance or business just using the zodiac signs.

By Gurmeet Singh Singh

Successful Love Relationship Secrets Revealed

A truly successful relationship can only exist if you have found your perfect partner. Far too many people settle for partners who are far from perfect!

Have you settled for less than you deserve?

These are the key elements of a successful love relationship.

Communication

Clear, open communication is vital. You should be able to talk openly and honestly with your partner. You need to be able to express safely what you want, who you are and why you behave the way you do.

Listening and talking to each other helps you appreciate each other's needs. Listening is just as important as talking, because you have to understand your partner's needs. Think about what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate.

If you can't communicate your needs to your partner, you might be with the wrong person.

You should be able to tell your partner:

* If you want more sex
* If you want less sex
* If you want a baby
* If you don't want a baby
* If you want to move house
* If you get annoyed by their little habits
* If you want more help around the house

Self Love

If you can't love yourself, others will find it hard to love you too.

Start by taking care of yourself. Eat healthily, exercise and always look your very best. This will help you feel good about yourself. If you can't or don't love yourself, it's hard for you to believe that anyone else will.

When you truly love yourself, despite any faults you feel you may have, you'll feel more confident and secure. This will enable you to enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive.

Honesty, Trust & Respect

You should not have to lie to your partner. If you ever feel the need to lie to your partner, you should ask yourself why.

Lack of trust means a bad relationship that will go downhill. Remember that no partner would cheat on you if they truly loved you.

A healthy relationship has a key element of mutual respect too. You can't agree on everything, but you must always respect each other's opinions and differences.

Friendship

A good relationship is always based on a solid friendship.

Ask yourself, if you weren't lovers, would you still be friends? If not, then you may be just in it for the sex.

If you genuinely like each other as friends, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then this is a good sign that you are in a good relationship.

Happy to touch

Physical touching is a vital human need. Being caressed lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding.

Don't believe that you always have to work at a relationship for it to be successful.

Real love is not hard work. Paying the bills might be. Raising children might be. But being with the right person should make these things easier, not harder.

Your partner should be someone who helps you cope with problems in life. Your partner should not be another problem to be added to the list.

If you have to work at a relationship then it is fundamentally flawed.

Don't stick with someone while waiting for someone better. Or even worse -- don't stick with someone if you believe you won't find anyone better!

You will, and once you have found your ideal partner, you will realise that former relationships were just a preparation for real love to enter your life.

You will have by then learned the most valuable life lesson of all, and that is the ability to distinguish between an OK relationship -- and a sensational relationship!

By Alison Yates

Staying in Love - 10 Steps to Successful Relationships

Keeping romance and love alive in a relationship is a challenge for most couples. Instead, many couples become locked into a vicious circle of blaming, distancing, and disappointment. Forgotten are the partner's traits that had been so endearing at the beginning of their relationship. However, all is not lost. With commitment and good will both can learn the skills needed for getting their relationship back on track.

Attachment is considered inborn into the matrix of our mammalian brain to assure the survival of human beings. It's impossible for us NOT to attach. If we don't have anybody to attach to, we will get unhappy or even ill. It therefore makes sense that the most stressful event in any person's life is the loss of a loved one, whether this loss occurs through sickness, separation, divorce, or death. The grief for having the attachment bond broken and for being left behind is enormous. This is often expressed by feelings of depression, anger, frustration, sadness, hurt, despair, guilt, and shame for having failed.

Most people protect themselves heavily against these painful feelings. The way they do protect themselves is by numbing themselves, withdrawing, eating, drinking, working, or exercising excessively. Thus when attachment bonds such as marriage, friendship, or other close relationships get distressed and come under threat, a myriad of conflicting emotions may be experienced.

It is crucial for the partners in such a relationship to address their 'discomfort' immediately to ensure that their bond stays secure. If that does not happen, or relationship issues are only partly addressed and not resolved, a 'savings account of grudge' is opened, from which both parties take drawings during subsequent conflicts.

Although most people long for love and a partner that gives them a sense of belonging, safety, and purpose, it is surprising how many people confess how much they protect themselves from love. The fear most mentioned is the fear of being rejected, abandoned, ridiculed, hurt, or exploited. Many people are afraid to put themselves into a position of vulnerability and closely protect their hearts. The Fear of love can even be so dominant that people convincingly tell themselves that they don't need love.

Because we are hard-wired to connect with others, to form social connections, and be part of social networks, longing for and simultaneously being afraid of love is a dilemma commonly faced by people. Thus people need help not only when they are weighed down by grief or adversity, but also when they encounter love. Some relationships go through years of destructive cycles of criticizing, complaining, attacking, violence, defensiveness, and distancing, as well as stonewalling, withholding, and avoidance. Often one partner feels that he/she is right and fosters the fantasy that everything would be resolved "if only the partner would see things my way".

 However, a relationship based on "my way" is a dictatorship and as such, is doomed to fail. Relationships can only work by developing "our way", and both partners have to work hard on achieving this. Developing "our way" and having a successful relationship has to be based connecting rather than on being right. To find "OUR WAY" requires that both partners agree to some rules and learn some useful communication skills.

1. Step: Agree on Ground Rules

 Useful ground rules are: using  'I'- statements, listen actively, respect each others differences, don't threaten with withdrawal of any kind, stay on the goal, never be abusive, stay in the present (right now I feel like never wanting to see you again), agree on a time-out signal, do something enjoyable mid-fight, don't compromise yourself, but do be flexible, accept the present and forget the past, remember that the aim of fighting is to improve closeness!

2. Step: Taking Stock

In order to find out how to restore/improve your relationship you need to be aware of what's not working well. Equally, if not more important, is the basis of your relationship - that means what's good about it. What are the pillars that your relationship is resting on and what is the foundation that you could build on?

3. Step: Create a Relationship Vision

To be clear what it is that you want to work towards to, you will need to have a vision, a goal in mind for your relationship. It is not enough to say "My relationship is not good". It is much more important to state "how you want your relationship to be different". This will give your efforts direction, and communicates clearly to your partner what it is that you want. For example in a restaurant you would order "spaghetti and salad". The waiter would not know what to bring if your order was "I don't want pizza and salad".

4. Step: Knowing Yourself

We'll now take a good look at your formative years, and explore the experiences that shaped you to be the person you are. Understanding yourself is probably the most important ingredient to having successful relationships.

5. Step: Understanding Your Partner

Understanding your partner is an important part of effective communication in relationships. Only when you can see your partner for who he or she really is, without projecting any of your past experiences onto him or her, will your relationship be successful.

6. Dealing with Relationship Distress

Every couple over time creates a certain dynamic through which they repeatedly re-create distress. This distress is caused by the dysfunctional patterns of how couples go about resolving stressful issues or how they avoid intimacy.

7. Improving your Communication Skills

The core of good communication skills in relationships is active listening. By using active listening skills you make sure that you really understand what your partner. Often people don't listen. They either don't pay attention to what the other is saying, or they think they know what the other person 'really' means. It's also important to be mindful of your body language. Are you open and inviting, or closed and distant? Very effective is also to make "I" statement. It improves intimacy and ensures clean communication.

8. Managing Conflict

No matter how close partners are, there will be a time when conflict enters the relationship. This happens even with the best matched partners. This has to do with the different needs and different levels of awareness each partner has at any given time. A powerful strategy for managing conflict is the 'connecting dialogue', a non-violent communication strategy. It involves 1. describing the problem you observe in non-judgemental language, 2. expressing how you feel about it, 3. stating what you need instead, and 4. telling your partner in specific terms what behaviour you would to see instead.

9. Avoid Conflict Amplifiers

There are a number of things to avoid in successful communication. They are: being oppositional, being right, blaming, collecting grievances, day-dreaming, deflecting, fighting dirty, generalizations, giving advice, judging, mind reading, sarcasm, and placating.

10. Finding Your Way Back into Love

To avoid the relationship becoming boring and run down, both partners need to continuously inject new life, new ideas, and new pleasures into the partnership or marriage. It involves  having regular slots during each day in which you and your partner commit to doing 'relationship work', i.e. show your partner that you appreciate him/her, share something of your daily life, show an interest in your partner, share you wishes, hope, and dreams with your partner. You can keep romance in your relationship by surprising your partner with a romantic date or an exciting outing. Avoid having just routines.

By Gudrun Frerichs

Relationships - Based on Love

Relationships! Relationships! Relationships!

Why are relationships so difficult?

Love! Love! Love!
Respect! Respect! Respect!
Communication! Communication! Communication!

Love, Respect and Communication are all key components necessary for every good relationship. If you were to give all of your relationships a check up right now, what would you find? Are any of the key components missing? Is love evidenced in your relationships as identified in the Message bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13:

3 -7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8 -10 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

11 When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

12 We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

If I am honest I must admit that sometimes I do keep track of wrongs. I have not done it intentionally, but isn't that what I do when I remind you that you missed my birthday, instead of accepting your apology and letting it go? Is that my maturity speaking or my childishness, the thing that was supposed to be left behind when I grew up? Wow, I thought I had it together and then God showed me what He has been trying to show me for a long time, to love enough to be patient, kind, understanding and forgiving. My joking about wrongs that were done to me keeps them alive in my head and heart and also in the head and heart of the one I thought I was wronged by. The truth is I had not let it go.

Maybe I am the only one that has gotten this love thing wrong on occasion, but sometimes, I feel like giving up on my relationships and if I am honest, I have threatened to give up, tried to give up and even took a short sabbatical, until I was chastised by my heavenly Father and His servants enough to know I had to go back to work. How does the person I exhibited this behavior to now feel? Can they be secure in my love for them? Can they trust that love not to give up on them when things get difficult? Can they trust that I will be there for them when they need me or are they walking on eggshells waiting for the time when I really will walk away? Sometimes it is because I have tried to deal with my relationships on my own rather than letting God do it.

We mistakenly think that love should be easy, but real love requires work. It requires putting someone else and what they want or desire before your own wants and needs. Real love costs something. It cost your pride, some humility and some silence. Real love will require you to go along when maybe that is not really what you want to do for the sake of the relationship. In relationships it is important to pick our battles. Every battle is not worth fighting and every thought does not need to be shared. The bible tells us so much about what real love is, but I think many of us have gotten caught in the thought that love is a feeling instead of an action. Feelings come and go based on what is happening around us and what the person does or does not do, but real love will cause us to tolerate, put up with, give in, be selfless. The bible says love is patient and kind and does not have to have it's own way. That means when you really love someone you can't be selfish. The question we have to ask ourselves, is what we have been calling love really love or some poor substitute? Love does not manipulate someone else to get it's own way. Love will cause you to give something up that you really want, putting the happiness of the other over your own.

Over the last few years I have gained a whole new view of what love is. What I thought love was is far from real love. Real love causes you to give when you don't feel like it. The thing I grew up calling love was quite the opposite. If you don't do what the other person wants it's not love. Love was used as a bargaining tool and it was withheld if you did not fulfill the desires of the other whatever that might have been. Many have even confused sex with love. While sex is a way to express love, love is not a requirement for sex. In the confusion people have gotten married only to find out later that the marriage did not have a solid foundation. When they really started talking to each other something was missing. If they are honest they may have even determined that not only did they not have love, they did not even have friendship or like. Don't get it confused or twisted. If all you have is sex, that is all you have, it is not love and should not be confused as such. Do you love the person you met last night at the club and went home with, or are you just engaged in fulfilling your lustful desire? It's just a question, but one that needs to be answered if we are really going to define what real love is.

Some of you may be thinking that this is all about a male/female relationship, a husband/wife relationship or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but let me assure you that we all have more relationships than just the ones we have with the opposite sex. Check all of your relationships. Give every one of them the love test as described in 1 Corinthians 13 and see how they score. Are there any relationships that you need to work to fix? Is there anyone you need to apologize to even if they do not know what is going on or why you are apologizing? Maybe you made them your sex toy under the guise of a love relationship. The truth is you know that is not what it was and now their life is the worse because of it.

How do I resolve this immature love relationship? How do I fix the mess ups? How do I undo any damage I have done not only to myself, but to someone else? I do it by first asking God to forgive me and then asking the people I have done it to for their forgiveness.

Forgive me God.

Most of my friends would say, no big deal, don't worry about it. I know you were just teasing, etc. Knowing what they will say does not rule out my need to ask for their forgiveness. I must ask for their forgiveness because God has revealed it to me. I have to do it as part of my getting right with Him. It is part of my obedience. It is part of my love for Him and them.

Trust God with all of your relationships. Start by building a loving relationship with Him through His Son Jesus Christ!!! With Him in the center the rest of your relationships will have a better chance. If you have a loving heart, that is motivated by the things that move God's heart it will be a lot more difficult for you to abuse or hurt someone else.

Another question you might ask yourself is, am I giving the kind of love I want to receive. Many times we are receivers of the best that someone else has to offer and we give them some small uncostly piece of ourselves. You know the person that really cared about you and made major sacrifices and all you wanted to do was get as far away from them as you could, but you didn't want to hurt their feelings. The truth is we hurt their feelings by taking advantage of the love they give to us with out giving them anything in return. A real relationship with God will keep you from sucking the life out of someone else by allowing them to give you to much. You might say, well, I can't stop them from giving to me if they want too. The truth is that yes you can. If you see they love you more than you love them, back up a little bit and stop taking things from them even if it is stroking your ego, even if it is stuff you like. The bible says, love is patient and kind. Kindness should not be taken advantage of. A great man once said, your bad behavior will come back to you and it will not be a cross you are bearing, it will be a crop you sowed that you are reaping.

First identify what real love is as stated in the scripture, then love others according to it.

Scripture-
1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Love will last forever,

Real mature love does last forever, does bear all wrongs and it is patient.

By Angela Willingham

Love Relationships, Marriage, Partnerships: The Three Essential Stages or How to Be Happy Together

In primary love relationships -marriage and partnerships -there are three possible stages. These stages are progressive and sequential; you must pass through one to get to the other. Although most of us are stuck in the first stage, to achieve your full life potential you should try to experience all three for the deepening degrees of happiness and fulfillment they offer.

Have you noticed how unhappy people seem to be today in their relationships? Everyone you meet seems to be dissatisfied, discontented, unhappy. We have euphemisms for the series of events that inevitably seem to lead to the relationship breakup: "She and he are going through a hard time just now," "She says she need some space from the marriage," "He's always working late at the office."

Plus we tend to be judgmental about our friends when they enter into a new relationship. More euphemisms: "He's not good enough for her," "I don't know what he sees in her," "They make a very strange couple."

Or critical. Euphemisms again: "I think they deserve each other," "What an ugly pair," "He deserves all that she gives him (sarcastically)," "I don't know why they stay together."

The only ideal couples are the actor and celebrity ones - and this in a week when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are breaking up (no surprise there) and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are not (big surprise there) - but then again, they are actors of course!

In the real world of ordinary, emotional, physical, flawed, vaguely neurotic, sensitive and insensitive, actual individuals, the Beatles and Le Morte d'Arthur comprise the philosophy we live by. Whether we know it or not. So, when John Lennon sings, "Love is the answer" or when we, in dreams both waking and sleeping, meet the partner of our dreams we are embarking on a preordained, archetypal journey into love. But love has three distinct levels or stages in the full human experience.

These three stages are self-love, love of another and, finally, spiritual love, and this is what this article is about.

The first stage is the one in which relationships show you yourself. This is true whether you are aware of it or not. This is why marriage and partnerships do not have a good success rate. We think that relationships are fun, the partner an object of desire, and that pleasure and satisfaction can only follow. Some or all of this may be true, but far more potent and relevant than all these is the mirror the relationship holds up in front of you. People do not like to see themselves. They shy away from the accurate reflection. When your partner tells you how moody you are, or how impossible to live with, or nasty, unforgiving, or insensitive you are, your first thought is to leave the relationship. Preposterous though this may sound, isn't this why relationships usually finish? We don't like what we are seeing in ourselves.

The way to approach relationships is as a learning experience, learning about ourselves so that we can grow in awareness and insight about ourselves and, over time, become more the person we would like to be, less reactive, controlling and controlled, less subject to automatic impulses and more liberated, awake and expansive, more loving, happier and more fulfilled.

The second stage is the one in which relationships help you to grow in love. Once you have got over yourself and your repressed emotions and unfinished business, you have some inner space for the person you're in the relationship with. Time to be with them, to listen to them, to act selflessly sometimes and to love them. One of the primary functions of love in outward expression is to give time. When you love somebody you find that you have time for them. And you want to spend time - quality time - together. As you learn to relate more deeply to your partner, you find that your heart expands and you feel the flow of love within you. Loving is a circular flow, irresistible and endless, and the more you love your partner or spouse, the more love you have available for yourself, for others and for the world about you.

The third stage is the one in which you live as companions in God or your Divine nature. It bears repeating that you are a spiritual being having a human experience. You don't have to wait for time to convince you of this. Although as you age, it will become more apparent to you. In middle years and old age (even within this predominantly pro-youth culture) you increasingly orient yourself to the immaterial world and your approaching demise. The spiritual, inner world becomes more real for you and your relationship to the spiritual backdrop and forms in which you live and exist become more central to your life. You are growing in love, knowledge, and inevitably, wisdom.

If you are fortunate enough to have a loving relationship and a life companion alongside you, you look with the eyes of the Divine upon him or her and you celebrate your partner, along with all the other gifts of this divine world. Passing through the spiritual and transcendent realms of truth and reality, you turn your face to God, to the Divine, together.

These are the deepening stages of love in marriage and partnership.

By Richard G Harvey

Benefits Of Healthy Love Relationships

Some people say that love is the answer to everything. During bad times and good times, in sickness or in times of good health, love keeps you in sync with your true self. But did you know that love can also fill you with positive energy and help you to maintain good health? True love is like a natural medicine that redeems you from the pain of living.

Natural stress-reliever: Love is extremely effective in reducing your stress levels. When one is in love and also involved in an intimate relationship, the adrenaline glands produce a hormone called dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), which minimizes a person's stress levels. Passionate love making relieves one from mental tension, negative energy, and also keeps us fit. Sex can help you to burn fat and maintain your cardiovascular health.

Reduction of pain: Love has been proven beneficial in reducing pain as it activates the part of the brain which handles pain in our body. Headaches, back pain or any kind of pain can be extracted away by love. The next time pain overcomes you, you know what to do.

Increase in blood circulation: Do you remember why your cheeks used to turn red when you talked to your crush in high school or had your first kiss? It was because happiness and the feeling of love increase our blood circulation. Similarly, when you are in a healthy love relationship your circulation will improve, resulting in glowing skin, better hair, and a happier you.

Increase in life expectancy: It has been proven in a study that the average single person is five times more likely to die at an early age, as compared to the average married person. It is because married couples feel connected, loved, and have a sense of belonging, which enhances their health manifolds. Also, when you fall ill and you know that someone is there to take care of you and love you then you automatically feel motivated to be better. You have the right attitude and support to overcome illnesses.

Decreases blood pressure: One study found that expressing love either verbally or physically reduced cholesterol in the body. When cholesterol is kept at a healthy level, the blood pressure remains in check. This, in turn, allows us to have a healthy and fit heart, thus, making us live longer.

Quicker healing process: When faced with an injury such as a wound, couples have been found to heal faster than single people. This is again because the blood circulation remains under control, allowing an adequate amount of nutrients to heal the wound over time. Single people took twice as long to heal similar wounds.

Forever young: Our body releases an anti-aging hormone when we experience euphoria and contentment. Therefore, couples look young for longer, as compared to singles.

Healthy love relationships benefit us in numerous ways. Therefore, one must try to be happy and also keep their partner happy while in a relationship.

By Himanshu Jakhar