Archive for February 2008

We fight a lot but we love each other

Dear

I am in a relationship for 1 year and a month, where it is fine at times, and then we have are little fights... but then we have every couple of months these big big fights like basically if we didn’t love each other it would of been over along time ago!

but I got so many problems that build up to make these fights I don't know if it's me or my boyfriend?



I'll name the problems:



-Name calling- he calls me a bitch and slut and stupid, but then I call him names like asshole,jerk, stupid and etc. :(

Can you help me on this?



-I have a problem with him being around girl and that, it only started when he got really close with this girl like I don't think they did anything but they were like close like hugging flirting in front of me and touchy , and in my school most of the girls are like that.

so it bothers me when he looks down the hall or in class or etc and looks at certain girls I dislike because I feel he checks them out and says he doesn’t when I ask him? like i don’t know I just don't like him seeing ,sitting,looking,staring,talking,being touchie flirty with any girls cause of that one girl who just made me so mad that, that is what made us fight alot.



-Drugs like I know he doesn't do drugs but some of his friends do it and I would let him hang with them, but I don't trust him because he might do them with his friends behind my back, I use to let him hang with his friends and I would be all like yeah go for it but now I get all like no I don't think you should go because he did drugs behind my back when I left the province for a week and I phoned him everyday to tell him no drugs , behave and he promise he wouldn’t so from then on I've be worried concerned about me and this relationship getting hurt!



like I know it may sound like I'm controlling but the things that I am are the important things like I tell him to follow these certain rules like: No cheating, No Porn, be honest with me, no drugs, and no looking etc at girls!



Like I want this relationship to be happy again but there is just to much fighting but it's not only me I don't think!



Like we agree if we go to any parties we'd go with each other because it's not right to go to parties with out each other well it is just not right to get drunk and cheat kind of thing!

So that's fine but I don’t know I love him alot and he loves me alot I know we can't let go but the fights are just going to get worst like WORST! :( So please help me.



Also we use to go out alot instead of stay home and watch movies and etc and be by ourselves we use to hang with others now we don't and are fights seem more when we are alone with each other and not out?

And I never really like going out anywhere anymore? I use to but now I just don't know why?

so please if you can help me out and give me advice I would really appreciate that :(


-S



Hello S,

Well well well, so you are having a tough time. See in love there are certain things that should be considered with prime importance

1)Trust

2)Committment

3)Self-Confidence

You know what your main problem is, all the three above. You dont have any of the,. You dont trust your partner at all, you feel you are committed but definitely there is a gap and finally you highyly insecure that your BF might leave you.

See you have to be very composed especially in things which matter you a lot. You dont have to keep your guy pressing on the fact what he needs to do and what not to do. Give him space, its very important in a relationship. Just try doing this, ask him what makes him most happy. Try to get his feelings and what he thinks about the relation. What all stuff he would like to change in you, I am sure this might be depressing for you as you will be exposed to negative things of your but accept it and try to change it if they are wrong. Try to respect each other. Calling names at rare occassions happen but if its very frequent then that needs immediate attention.

After taking necessary inputs from him try to change that and do things according to him, I will bet that he will like it an there you are he is for you always.
Hope this helps,
Thanks,

Neptune

I am married & love another girl

Dear,
i am a married person age of 30year. We have been shifted our house to another place where i met one girl who is staying just next to my flat and woth in few days i like her. So one day i proposed her and she said yes to me even she knows that i am married.Initially she calls me and send me messages every days. Even i got late in office she msg me to come soon.Now my problem is last 10days her behaviour is very strange. She never calls me and sned only one msg a day. When i felt that i should talk to her about her, she said that she still love me and because of her parent and her busy office schedule she couldn't able to call me.Pls advice that what could be the possibility of her behaviour like this because these is all disturbing me.


Pls help meRegards
K


Hello K,


First of all let me tell you bluntly that you are not on the right track of your life. There is a woman who has trusted you and agreed to live her whole life with you but you are upto something else. The other lady's behaviour (not your wife) might have changed because she must have realised that she is doing something wrong and definitely both of you are wrong. I strictly advice you to be out of this relation as soon as possible as this is going to ruin many lives going forward. I am sure I have not solved your problem but you yourself is creating a big problem. I am sorry I can only advice this much as of now


Thanks for writing,
Neptune

I love him but not sure whether he loves me.

Dear Neptune,

i like a guy, from my maths class but i dont know if he likes me, too.He is friendly to me, he smiles at me and sometimes he tease me. He seems that he likes me as a friend. But there are times that he is distant, cold and nervous. Im not sure that he knows about my feelings. That's the reason i dont know how to treat him. Im friendly with him but maybe it is better to be cold and distant, too. What should i do?

K

Hi K,

It's a fact that love has no boundaries - age, caste , religion no bar. But If are very young then I would suggest to concentrate on studies. Well anyway I dont know your age so I would suggest you what to do.

See, you like him but do you love him. There is a significant difference between liking & loving. Loving needs a lot of commitment from both ends. If you love him, the only solution is let him know your feelings. Before saying that you love him "Hope for the best & Be prepared for the worst" - why I said this because if he also loves you nothing better than that but God Forbid if he doesn't be prepared to face it. There are times when people over-burden themselves with negativities so please don't do that. Express your feelings and make it sure that you convey him if he is not interested there should be no problem in your friendship and it should continue as it is. Friendship is probably the purest relation on earth and if it moves to the next step it happens to be the divinest. So 'K' go ahead, express your feelings - I will pray for you. And you said he is nervous & distant sometimes, just approach him at that time and ask him what is the problem. Probably you may not be in a position to solve it but atleast you can share it.

So Best of Luck

Thanks for writing,

Neptune

Distance Love

Dear Neptune,
I have a big problem which is; I fell in love with ****** however due to distance we cant be together. For him to come would mean to have a visa and its not easy. He also works on a ship which does not make it any easier for our relationship and its hard to make it work or solid and so realize our true feelings. What can we both do?

S

Dear S,

It's good to fell in love, or rather I would say you should always rise in love. As the big preachers say, "Distance should not be a problem in love", what is important is the feelings, yeah you are absolutely right that conveying feelings is a bit difficult. But please understand that love has some practical obstacles and distance is one of them. The best thing is to cope with that. Well is there any possibility of you / he mailing you and continuing the communication OR either of you can call each other. If he is in ship, he might be landing to some place quite often and I think you both can communicate. It not necessary that both of you be in front of each other for expressing feelings, you can also take this positively that the inspiration to meet you will make him work more efficiently and the wish to meet him will make your days beautiful by thinking about him.

Don't take this as a problem, try to be in touch through any means, e-mail - phone - or snail mail (not sure whether thats possible from your side).

Work is also important for love to sustain, as love only doesn't suffice the need. If he is in ship probably he might be working for 6-7 months a year and the rest of the time he could be back home right? so that time can be utilized to the fullest. And I am sure the occupation he is might be through choice and not by chance so quitting that also is not advicable.

So my basic advice is to be in touch through whatever means possible when he is away.

Thanks for contacting,

Neptune