I'm a 54 year old women, I fell in love with a 66 year old man. We were in a relationship for about 6 months. We were very happy, we enjoyed each others company however he broke off the relationship because he did not trust me or believe me. In all the time we were together I never lied to him or gave him any cause not to trust me. He broke off the relationship because it took me one hour and forty minutes to get home from my mothers. I called him about 10 p.m. to tell him I was getting ready to leave my mothers house. However I stood talking with my mother and left around 11:15p.m. and got home at 11:40. He got very angry and didn't want to talk or discuss any thing with me. I got upset and wasn't feeling well so I turn off the ringer and the volume of my answering machine. I took some cough medicine and went to bed. When I got up in the morning I saw he had called and left a message at 5:45 in the morning. I returned his call right away and he acused me of not being home. He refuse to believe I was home sleeping. He refuse to discuss the matter. I"m very hurt. I'm in a lot of emotional pain. I need to know how can I fix this. What can I do to deal with a person that is untrusting ? How can I make him feel secure of my love ? How can I convince someone who is very stubborn and refuses to listen or talk to me that he has made a mistake.
First of all I would like to appreciate & thank you for the fact that, it's people like you who keep the feeling of love alive.
Coming to your problem:
See, the major ingredient to keep a love relation happy & ongoing is "Trust". You have been very loyal and trustworthy. I would like to ask some questions here:
- Did you convey the complete message as it is to your partner ?
- Did you tell him what made you late to move from your mother's place ?
- Did you tell him what made you lower the volume of answering machine & why weren't you picking up the phone ?
Just tell him to meet you, make it a casual meeting. Tell him that you value & appreciate his decision but you would like to talk him for a while. I feel he would oblige to this request. Tell him the happenings that night with a clean heart, mind & soul. Express your feelings (I am sure you might have done this but do it again) . Tell him how much you love him and what is your mental state after this mishap. Express the fact that you are not at all happy without his presence in your life and he makes your life feel very special. Tell these things with complete honesty & innocence. If he really loves you he will understand you & your feelings. If he is not ready to meet you send an e-mail / snail-mail to him explaining the happenings
Even after saying all these things he is stubborn and doesn't trust you, probably he is not the right guy for you. Tell him patiently that probably his decision is right and you appreciate it because trust is the most important thing in a relation and in the relation between both of you it seems to be absent.
But I am pretty much sure that he will understand your feelings and this will not happen henceforth.
So sweetheart, cheer-up, express your feeling & leave the rest to the super-powerful "Almighty". One more thing while you say all these things feel very confident that you are going to convince him and get him back to your life. That itself will give you the positive energy to express your feelings in the most perfect manner. Don't be in a sympathetic mode because you have not done anything wrong. You have tried to maintain this relationship and I understand that you value this a lot too. I repeat again don't be in a sympathetic mode at all it will give more pain, accept the fact that you have been loyal to this relationship & somebody is challenging your values and dignity. So be strong & I am sure you will be able to convince him & continue this beautiful journey of love.
Ok dear, hope this works out for you. Hope for the best ...
Thanks for writing,